Trying to get Jojo to begin sleeping in her bed, again (yes, again). We were one of those lucky sets of parents blessed with having a baby that slept through the night... for about 5 month out of the 20 months she has been alive. At one point she would sleep from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. without waking once. For the past 2 weeks, she has been waking every couple of hours and when I put her to sleep in my room and attempt to lay her down in her own bed, immediately she snaps up screaming. WTF! We were on a roll, man. Where did this come from?
That's not all. When she IS awake, she is soooo clingy. If I am trying to get housework done, she hits me on the leg saying, "Momma, stop it. play. plaaaaayyy" So, I play a little bit and as soon as I sneak away she follows me. Seriously. The dishes are piled up in the sink and the laundry is a mountain that I am beginning to think I will never get to the end of. It's like she is 2 months old all over again. It's like my life is just her and work and nothing else. I used to be the type of mother that would look down upon those mothers always dropping their children off from babysitter to babysitter for weekend excursions and nightly activities. But I'm beginning to think that having SOME small portion of activity besides my child may be good for me. (Now, I am not giving myself a trifling mother pass to hit the club every night, but I am just considering a monthly movie or book club)
Then the mother guilt kicks in. Should I be complaining about this? Isn't this just motherhood? Isn't she just a baby? Who cares if she has to sleep with you for a little bit to get some sleep, that's your job isn't it? Am I not allowed to be annoyed, tired and irritated by it all? Who the f%&* knows the answers to all these questions? I know I don't. But I do know that I need a break before I become a woman in a orange jumpsuit. I need some room to breathe. So, I am writing this post and watching Sarah Palin's new show, "Sarah Palin's Alaska" which is really adding some amusement to my evening.
I think it's OK to get annoyed at being a mom sometimes as long as you have a plan to make it better and you don't stay glued in that space of unhappiness. See CrazyBabyMomma's Blog Post, "The Good (Enough) Mother". So, my goal has been to get her out the house. If even for an hour, each day when she comes home and on the weekends we go for a little walk. To tire her out a bit more and take in some fresh air. The jury is still out if this is going to work or not. But today I took her to the Rose Garden near USC, I found myself praying as I was walking. Spending some time breathing deep and really thanking God for our blessings we have in our lives. Even though I still had to be around her. I was still having my moment and all was well for a little bit. Maybe the walks are better for me then they are for her. But maybe taking care of me is better for her in the long run anyway. I would hate to have to meet her new husband from the other side of a plated glass window, no sharp objects of course.