Why Is My Kid In A Cap and Gown?

Today was difficult for me. A friend texted a picture of the NuNu in a cap and gown holding a certificate. Now, to anyone that may not know any different this may seem innocent. My first thought and response to this picture was "OOOOOOKKKKK, why is my kid in a cap and gown?" Her response was that she was having a graduation ceremony at the local library. Cute. But why wasn't I there? Someone neglected to tell me about it.

The daycare that NuNu attends is at a woman's home. She has approximately 20 children and 5 helpers. She is a very sweet older lady with a stern hand. I love how NuNu has developed over the year she has been in attendance. She knows her letters, numbers, shapes and colors. She has great communication and social skills as well as incredible motor skills. She is all in all a relatively smart kid. The facility is clean and warm. Everyone that works there seems to genuinely enjoy the children. I have been pretty happy with her being there. Except for one thing... communication with the parents.

There are no calendars or newsletters that go out to us parents to make sure we know what is up and coming in our children's lives. It usually is no big deal. Or at least I tell my control freak-ness to stay at bay and PRETEND it is NO big DEAL. She tells us the day of the field trip if they are going on one. The most notice she has ever given us is maybe a day or two but that type of notice hasn't been often. But to miss an event like this, is NOT OK.

Not only did I not know that the graduation happened. I don't know WHERE it happened or WHAT it was for. I am not sure what she was thinking. Did she think I wouldn't think it was that big of a deal? That I wouldn't want to come? Did she think there wouldn't be enough room for all the parents? IDK But what I do know is that it was not her decision to think for me. What I also know is that the first time my baby had a graduation gown on with a hat and tassel, I missed it. I wasn't there. And call me a weirdo, it BROKE my heart. I cried and raged.

Needless to say, I will be talking to the daycare owner tomorrow about the situation. I am going to offer her my services as a member of the parents to assist with calendaring. If she doesn't have the staff and the time to do it, I will be there to help. But this can never happen again. In the meantime, I will be looking for a new preschool.

Tales from the Paper-Cut Trenches: The Sin of the 3 Minute Late Conference Call

Today was one of the most frustrating days I have had since being employed at a law firm. An attorney, we shall call him Robert, screamed and yelled at me in frustration. My computer issues caused a conference call to start an alarming 3 minutes late. This evidently was probable cause for an attitude.

Now, this wasn't my first time at the rodeo. It wasn't my first time being a "disappointment" and it wasn't my first time on the receiving end of the most high strung and verbal stinging group of people of the world. What made this frustrating to tears was 3 fold.

(1) It was a technical foul. Having computer issues is not my fault. I have no control over the decade old equipment on my desk. To yell orders with a frightening tone at me from your office, does not fix the issue but only causes everyone anxiety that is involved. Including the poor IT guy at my desk. I am the first one to admit and apologize when I do something inccorrectly but when it is not within my control it is the most frustrating feeling in the world.

(2) Robert is not my attorney. He is not assigned to me. He has someone else he could have asked to handle his issues. Stefany, the office bitch, is his assistant. (more about her in another post) When I went to ask Stefany to help him and I with our technical issues. She replied, literally with her nose in the air, that she did not have time to help. Maybe because she was too busy eating her morning croissant. I am always the first to volunteer to help assist other attorneys. I am the first to stay late, come in weekends, take on extra assignments and ask if someone else needs help. NO ONE IN THAT OFFICE EVER HELPS ME OR VOLUNTEERS TO HELP ME. When I ask for it, in a crunch like this, it would be nice to have some teamwork, some support. Stephany and Esther were out on Friday. Which means I had to cover for their 6 attorneys and my own on the day before a 3 day weekend after working 12 days straight. Did I complain? No. I guess I should have just eaten my croissant and ignored their absence.

(3) Robert, the frat boy from Berkley, thinks he is super cool get along with everyone guy. He also has a kid that's Nunu's age. We have hung out multiple times outside the office, had several lunches together and have even shared a few happy hours and play dates. For him to now "pull rank" and play Mr. Attorney talking down to the Secretary for filing her nails and not getting her job done is demeaning and uncalled for. If he knows me outside of work and has worked with me several months now, he should know that I am not purposefully causing his call not to happen. He should have sided with me and my technical issue, taken a deep breath and realized that shit happens sometimes and yelling at me across the office may not be the best thing for him to do. He better NEVER ask me for another play date.

This was maybe my third time crying at work. This time it was out of pure frustration and anger with nowhere to go with my emotions. I couldn't slap the shit out of Stefany and I couldn't tell Robert what a douchebag he was, so I was just stuck in the middle, floating and angry.

What made matters worse is Robert has the audacity to go to one of the partners of the firm and complain about the 3 minute call delay. Of course he doesn't matter the verbal abuse that I have already endured from him and therefore I am subjected to further abuse from the partner he chooses to "tell on me" to. I hate that this happened and I am left with no solutions. I hate that when you are a simple staff member you have no power against attorneys who are the upper level of the firm. I hate that as a woman you are chastised for being "too sensitive" and taking things "personally". I hate that when there is a human resource issue like this there is always a "next time you should do this..." speech at the end. When is should be a "next time he shouldn't be such a douche to you" speech.

I am feeling very wronged today. I am feeling very betrayed today. I am glad I have this blog to vent. I am more glad that I now will move forward and study for my LSAT in preparation of leaving this situation behind me. As an attorney, I vow to never treat my staff this way. It's attorneys like this that makes the world hate them.

Shut Up Willis: LSAT Update Part II

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

It has taken me 2 months to get enough time to actually take a full length practice test. This took major maneuvers, People. I had to get a baby sitter for 4 hours. Get ink to print the damn thing. Take a mountain of vitamins and herbs to have enough energy to last through it, but I made it.

I climbed the mountain top to my first LSAT score. A wonderful incredible amazing magnanimous.....(drum roll please).... 143.

Isn't that just precious. Boy, I have work to do. I'm not soooo worried about it, given that I haven't even finished the first workbook and I am only getting 1 hour of study time per night. I try and study on lunch breaks but I am getting totally discouraged on bringing my LSAT book to work. Unfortunately, I have been on the receiving end of several negative comments from the peanut gallery.

It is so interesting how negative energy works. It spreads like venom. And much like venom when someone is infected with it, the most desirable action is the urge to purge that negativity from themselves, which may include spewing it upon others. When certain beings see me, they see a working wife and mother with a young child and grown lady bills. People also see a African American woman with a good career opportunity and a semi good head on her shoulders. Which is great. However, that also means that I am often mistakenly misunderstood to be "stretched too thin" and "incapable of getting better" which means I should be concerned with "not f&%*%ing up what I already have".

I say all this to say, that when I tell people of my ambitions to attend law school it is NOT often met with a supportive ear. It is most often met with a look of confusion, pity and condescending staring. I have received this from family, friends and most especially, people at the firm.  What people don't know about me, is that precise treatment, fuels my fire.

Honestly, I wouldn't be where I am today, if I listened to the Nay-Sayers. If I played it safe, I wouldn't have a lovely family, degrees, great career path or the house with the white picket fence (well, it's white metal but who's counting). When I think about it, I have the American Dream already, living it. But I want more. I never want to be stagnant in my education, my development and my success. I decided that a long time ago that I was never going to be JUST satisfied. So, I will always strive for more. For myself and my family.


But before I shut up the negative Natalies and storm the halls of law school, I have to pass this damn LSAT with a MUCH better score than a poo poo 143. So.......babysitter anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Will Work For LSAT Prep

I need a miracle!

 I'm really nervous. I'm supposed to find out tomorrow whether or not I received a scholarship for the Blueprint LSAT program.

Shaking in my bunny slippers because I don't know how I am going to afford a LSAT prep course if I don't receive this scholarship.

And I have done my research, believe me... Kaplan, Princeton, TestMasters etc. and they all are $600 - $3,000+! I understand weeding people out of the process of law school. You know, keeping the population down and all that. But this is ridiculous.

I guess the adverse prospective would support the high costs of preparatory programs for the LSAT by simply admitting the fact that you don't actually HAVE to take one. You can just take the LSAT without a program.

To argue with myself... (disclaimer: arguing with yourself is only allowed via the blogsphere. Do not attempt to argue with oneself on a corner, in a mall or any other place in public and out-loud.) I would say that I have interviewed several others that have taken the LSAT and they have bottoms up agreed to NOT take the LSAT without a preparatory course. And a few of my friends at the firm, we shall call them Genius and Guillermo Gordon, had a tremendous increase in their LSAT scores from the Blueprint prep course specifically. So, I researched the courses and they even offer them in Downtown L.A. near our new office that the firm will move to in a month. Perfect Fit! Now, I just need them to cut down the cheddar needed to take the damn thing and I will be on my way.

I have signed up and paid for the December LSATs so I have got to get a move on. What am I doing? Am I mad? Taking this on is just one more thing to worry about. Hell, I'm already just worried about getting the scholarship to just get into a prep course for the LSAT. I haven't even taken the test and I'm already driving myself crazy.

Alice: "You've gone quite mangy, cat... but your grin's a comfort."

Cheshire Cat: "And you've picked up a bit of an attitude, still curious and willing to learn, I hope."

I Wanna Go Home, But I Don't Want To Stay There

There are times when I am completely over the heels excited to go home and see my lovely baby and husband. There are times when I am completely horrified. Today, I cannot get out of my seat fast enough. The thought of kissing that little face is branded in my brain like a Grade A stamp on a Bull's Fanny.

Throughout history women have and continue to fight for equal rights. There has always been a teetering balance between what we wanted and what we didn't want to lose. Do we want to have the possibility of being equal to our male counterparts? Yes. Do we also want the right to raise our children and be cared for by our husbands? Yes. Can we have both? Maybe. There was a time in our world where this question of "can I have it all" would have been a breaking point in our negociations with the changing of law.

"I never doubted that equal rights was the right direction. Most reforms, most problems are complicated. But to me there is nothing complicated about ordinary equality." - Alice Paul, Women's Equal Rights activist and major mover in the Equal Rights Amendment.

To Alice it was all black and white. We want equality, bottom line. She didn't comprehend a country that called itself a democracy without ALL of it's people being equal. But all views have it's opponents.

“What I am defending is the real rights of women. A woman should have the right to be in the home as a wife and mother.” “Feminism is doomed to failure because it is based on an attempt to repeal and restructure human nature.” - Phyllis Schlafly

Women like Phyllis Schlafly, right-wing leader of the Eagle Forum/STOP ERA, played on the same fears that had generated female opposition to woman suffrage. Anti-ERA organizers claimed that the ERA would deny woman’s right to be supported by her husband, privacy rights would be overturned, women would be sent into combat, and abortion rights and homosexual marriages would be upheld. Well, yeah that all comes with it as we see later in history after the 70s when this amendment was being ratified across the states.

Today, we still have this debate. Does being a working mother searching for that equality to her male counterparts constitute giving up her RIGHT to be a proper wife and mother? Does this go so far as to say we are "restructuring human nature"?

I'll be honest...Somedays, I wish I had the option of staying home with the baby. Going on playdates and lunches in the park. But, I don't have that option. I'm not even sure if I could handle that option if it was one. It would be nice for a few days but I would slowly lose my mind. Believe me, at the end of the day, I am rushing to get home and see my family whom I have missed all day. But I enjoy my right to be where I am. I enjoy my right to help provide for my family. Because I don't know what ditch or cardboard box we would be living in if I couldn't.

Totally Misproportioned Rant: Mommy Gone Wild

Just had a amazing spaz session on my husband. It's just something about the fact that when I come home from the career of ultimate organization and order, I walk into chaos at the front door.

I mean he doesn't have to do much. Pick her up from daycare. Give her a nutritious snack. Change her diaper and play with her until I get home. No no no... I come home to a butt naked baby stuffed with cookies and half combed hair.

What now, Daddy of the Year? As you leave and gallivant through the town doing God knows what, I am forced to stay and deal with a baby that won't eat dinner. Overstimulated, Hungry and Cranky, the baby now has to be chased down and tackled to be brought back to reality. Something, I do not have the energy to do.

O.K. Maybe it wasn't that bad. I mean he just left to go help his little cousin out at his high school football game. And he did feed her bananas and apples, not cookies., but all sugar non-the-less. So, it still wasn't dinner but he did play with her on the swing set outside. But she now was sugared to a frenzy with a toy picnic in the living room that I would have to clean up!

I think just after a day of getting a freaking judgment filing done in 4 different counties in Georgia, making calls to various bitchy court clerks about Hearing dates, helping one of the major litigators in your firm find his way to his hotel from the middle of Croatia, all this without a lunch break. You may blow a few things out of proportion. Oh and did I mention I was on my period? Forget about it.

So, when he asked me where the keys where so I could move my car so he could escape the baby zoo I walked into. I told him where to shove them. Well, no really I just snatched them up and moved the car myself. Take that Boo. I am woman hear me roar.

A 14-Year old Discusses Racial Stereotypes and Cliques in Schools

 

My 14-Year-old “little” cousin Ms. Cheyanne Akmal was published in The Orange County Register. As if her being published weren’t enough she actually wrote an amazing and insightful article about racial stereotypes. From a perspective that most adults find challenging relating to she is able to channel emotions from a place of sheer candid thought. Here is a little of her article:


[I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I stared at the bar and prepared to jump. I took my first step as I started my approach. I took another step and another. I picked up speed and jumped. I cleared 4 feet 8 inches. I had won the Eighth Grade District Girls High Jump. This was something I really worked for, something I was proud of, something special, but one guy shattered that for me – the opposing team's coach.

Four words made me ashamed of who I was: "It's because she's black." Now these words really angered me. To him I didn't win because I had talent. I didn't win because I worked really hard at this or because I am a good athlete. I won because of the color of my skin, because of the way my hair curls back, because of a stereotype. ] Read More…

I am very proud of her and also very excited for her future writing career. I love when young people are thinking and opinionated.